Popularity
All people who are popular
Have stylish clothes
And cool sports cars
The things they say
Like shut up or go away
They wind folk up
Then you cry like a pup
They make your life seem really grey
And then you can't bear to stay
In the presence of popularity
And your discusted with what they say
The only thing they don't have is
The brains to get them through the mist
If you don't have the confidence
You'll have to face the consequence
Of not having popularity
Or not even make your power stay
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Perhaps you should ditch the "pup" line...
However, I'll have to agree with Rei.
thanx every1 for the tips i'll usre them next time
I agree that it was good and all the corrections were already made. I like your idea on popularity although not all popular people act like bitches. Sorry for my language.
Hope to read more!
i think it's good! the improvments i had were pretty much covered by others. i do like the last line of your signature poem too though!!!
fairy ;-P
I like this, but there are a few little things.
Your=You're Discusted=Disgusted.
Huh? This line confused me and wasn't the best way to end the poem. I highly suggest changing that.
But other than that, I liked it.
I little more emotion and it'll be great. ONE little bitty crit and that's it;
A little forced, like it was put in 'cause it rhymed...but there isn't much that would fit in here.
It's okay, though I didn't feel like you captured the feelings properly.
thanx but i think ALONE is better
I have to say Rachel. I thought this was your best piece yet. It showed lots of emotion, good job. Hee Hee
~Lollipop~